Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Visit to the Jersey Shore?

Wife: I saw a guy so tan and hairy I thought he was black.

Once again, better without context

Wife: You have to sleep sometime... and when you do, I'll clean up the blood.

Video games save my marriage (and my life)

Wife: I wake up, and I kind of want to punch you. But I play Candy Crush instead. That's love.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

A what now?

Wife: Look at that nun, throwing herself at that doctor. Ooh! I hope we get to see an un-nun-ening!

Sunday, May 18, 2014

No, I don't think... what?

Wife: Karl Marx! The King of Comedy!

Saturday, April 26, 2014

It's NOT just the wine talking

Wife: I wanna see a video of a kangaroo fighting a goose. Google that! You need to make that happen, bitches.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Revolution just looks like too much effort

Wife: Look, if the electricity goes out, let's just kill ourselves. Because I don't want to fight with swords.

Well, close

Wife: I was almost entirely paleo today... except for the wine and oreos.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Arrrr, I put one across her bow

Wife: I got booty! I have so much booty, I should be a pirate!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Wait, what? Why was it THERE?

Husband: I like that necklace.
Wife: Thanks. I found it under the sink.