"New" math

Wife: No! You can't bring up a non-shithead thing you did earlier to compensate for the shithead thing you just did! That's not how shithead math works!

Actually, we have this conversation all the time

Husband: Better watch out. She's going to shiv you.
Wife: No, shiv is the object, shank is the action. (exasperated) We've had this discussion.