There are no euphemisms in this quote

Wife: If you start damaging things with your gigantic drum sticks, you're going to hear it from me.

Vacation's over

Husband: So, I'm updating Tao of Wife tonight.
Wife: Yeah, for the first time in SIX MONTHS. Are you saying I haven't been interesting in SIX MONTHS? Fuckin' slacker.

Cat-a-what?

Wife: At first I was like, "how does he know the word 'catawampus'?" But then I realized I knew the word 'catawampus.'