An elephant never forgets; a hamster, on the other hand

Wife: Can you imagine being hamster and having your whole world turned upside down? The hamster's all "What the fuck! Oh look, broccoli!"
Husband: [stupefied gaze]
Wife: Well, hamsters have short memories.

Our house is a rough household

Wife: Do you need a disciplinary butt-plug?

Served with a side of space jam

(after seeing a dead astronaut on a "Law & Order" episode)
Wife: Ooo! She was GUTTED! Like a space fish!