Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

Wife: I hope you never get murdered by a vampire, because then I'd have to become a vampire hunter and I just don't have time for that.

Frozen Ground

Wife: I wonder if that movie was straight to DVD because of Nicholas Cage's jowls.

iRack

Wife: You know what I hate about the iPad? Sometimes my boobs change the pages when I don't want them too.