Sharing dessert isn't just an honor, it's an obligation

Wife: If you love me you'll try this, otherwise I'll punch you in the kidney while you sleep and you'll have kidney failure.

The best threats are understatedly excessive

Wife: Don't make me kick you in the balls, that will just make it a bad night for all of us.

Resistance is futile

(whenever I try to explain something to my wife while she's drunk)
Wife: (suspiciously) I don't believe you.