A New Career Path

Wife: Josh Groban... no. Shave off that beard. It's not working. He looks like a hippie... sheepherder.

Meteorology 101 with Professor Melinda

Wife: Clouds are bitches. Discuss.

I don't

Wife: That's what mixed race babies should be called: Fusion Babies.

Super Pol

Husband: *annoyed with superhero TV show* He's a psychopath who enjoys killing people! You aren't going to rationalize with him!
Wife: Stop talking about the election.

Breath Wars

Wife: Don't judge me! You're eating a bull penis!
Dog: *glares reproachfully*

Bad Guys Beware

Wife: You don't have to kill her, just fucking decapitate her!