She Has Literally Won Medals At It

Wife: I was going to go home and do more stitching...
Husband: Now you're going to go home and do more drinking?
Wife: (sagely) I'm better at that.

Jurassic What

Wife: My grandma would have NEVER let me get eaten by dinosaurs!

Not exactly the wisdom of Confucius

Husband: Man, I got the worst, most inaccurate fortune cookie ever. Listen to this: "You are a bundle of energy, always on the go."
Wife: Maybe they were talking about your butt.

You've been warned

Wife: Someday, when we buy a house, we're going to have a house-warming party, and we're going to have a piñata! ...filled with spaghetti.