The Art of War

Wife: Never burn a bridge. You may need to cross it someday to kill an enemy.

Liff. Lav. Lough.

Husband: (trying to wake sleepy, drunk wife) Do you want food?
Wife: Well, I always want food. But also... [sadly] bills.
Husband: ...what.
Wife: Love. Life. Bills. [falls back asleep]

All about efficiency

Husband: I need to get up. I need to pee, and I need more fluid.
Wife: Just pee in your mouth.

That's not nothing

Wife: Dude. I made you a better person. You made me a baseball fan.

Did Neil Gaiman ever visit Wisconsin?

Wife: Waldo and Jesus, out in the middle of nowhere Wisconsin. Makes sense from an American Gods perspective.