Now that you put it like that...

Wife: James Bond is basically practically a serial rapist.

Don't Ask

Wife: It's sad that I have to ask you if you bought the weird underwear.

The married couples' lament

(while watching "Eyes Wide Shut")
Wife: How come we never get invited to the crazy, cult-like, sex orgy parties?

This is why I don't sleep

(with hands around my neck)
Wife: Wow! You'd be really easy to kill.

How we cracked up this lady at Walgreen's

Husband: How about this wrapping paper? With the moose with the lights in his antlers?
Wife: That's not a moose! It's a reindeer!
Husband: It's too big to be a reindeer!
Wife: It's a fat reindeer! Sometimes reindeer are fat!

(and later...)

Wife: I got this wrapping paper instead.
Husband: What is that? A dog with antlers?
Wife: No! It's a reindeer! What is your issue with identifying reindeer?!

The best time of the day

Wife: Know what time it is? It's no-pants time.

No, it's just a side benefit

Wife: (annoyed) Do you do these things just to get me to make that face?

Welcome to our newest running gag

Husband: Don't do that. My chi is very sensitive.
Wife: Sometimes I want to punch your chi.

I'd fall off of either one, maybe intentionally

Wife: Maybe I should get a motorcycle and make you ride bitch.
(later...)
Wife: Maybe I should get a moped and make you ride bitch!

It's funny because it's true

Husband: Man, I wish my dad was half that cool.
Wife: I wish your dad was cool at all.